Friday, July 20, 2012

Coming Apart: Wedding Season

It's always wedding season on TLC
Well hello there. I bet you didn't notice that you are sitting in the very throes of wedding season, now did you? Congratulations - you are. (Also, bonus points for anyone who catches all of the wedding allusions in this post. I'd offset them all with punctuation, but then it would be unreadable. So, just chuckle to yourselves.)

No time to waste on that ring by spring ...
If you haven't been invited to a wedding this summer, be sad. I mean, be really, truly, deeply offended. Because either no one loves you, or you've never met anyone who went to a Christian college. Regardless, I'm sorry.

If you still have weddings on your list, please keep in mind that Jos. A Bank sells great suits from friendly co-eds trying to pay for law school! *wink/product placement*

Please, kitty. Please. 
But seriously. Back in June (the traditional wedding month), I got to go to my cousin's wedding. It was AWESOME. For reals. Not only is mawwiage what bwings us togevah today, but this wedding had an awesome band, and I saw my family bust out super white-and-nerdy dance moves all night long. Priceless.

As much fun as the reception was, though, weddings are actually hugely important, because they signify that marriage, that bwessed awwangement, is taking place. Not only is marriage important to individuals, it's important to society. That's why it's one of Charles Murray's four founding American virtues: industriousness, marriage, religiosity, and honesty. (If you missed the intro or first post in this series, quick! Read them!) Not only does Murray expound on the huge, life-changing benefits of marriage, but the New York Times recently ran an article revealing the same story through narrative, while Murray uses charts and data.

Red pill, blue pill? (Dr. Seuss for philosophers)
Whether or not you marry, and whether or not you marry before having children, marks two divergent paths with snowballing consequences (please, bear with me as I paraphrase about 342 pages of sociological data).

MOST families turn out better ... 
Option 1: You get married, and have some kids. In addition to all of the emotional, professional, and health benefits you and your spouse now personally enjoy, you're giving your kids a fighting chance. If you both work, you have two incomes. If one stays home, you have more specialization, but you still have both parents adding tons of monetary and parental value (two perspectives, free cooking/laundry/cleaning/driving services, one full-time income, etc.). Your kids may grow up to be angsty teens, or have weird political views, or any number of things. But chances are good that they'll end up just fine.

Most FAMILIES turn out better
Option 2: You screw around, and have some kids. At some point, you're cohabiting. Maybe with your baby-daddy, maybe with a new boyfriend. Regardless, you now lose out on all of the emotional, professional, and health benefits of marriage, and experience a general lack of stability. If you're cohabiting with someone, you might have two incomes. Chances are good that you're only on one or one and a half, though, and the other adult isn't compensating in the same way a spouse/parent would, because they're not a spouse/parent. Your kids grow up without familial stability, a role model, or the benefit of after-school activities and the like. They're much more likely to be poor, uneducated, and end up unmarried themselves. Growing up without your father is one of the best ways to grow up in poverty. 

Thanks to the laws of logic, we know that you must be either married or unmarried. If you have children, you're either married to their other parent, or you're not. There are no other options.

If you can't hear the bells yet, let me offer you a piece of advice from the classic American musical, Guys & Dolls: "marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow."

So, all that to say, not only did I (and you, if you have friends entering that dweam wifvin a dweam this summer) get to witness my family all doing the "sprinkler" while biting their bottom lips, I also got to see my cousin and his wife make one of the most important decisions they'll ever make. It's important for them, and it's important for society. Now go and do likewise.*

Wove, Twue Wove, Will Follow You, Fowevah
I saw my cousin get married in:
Cobalt blue dress with asymmetrical ruffle, multi-strand pearl necklace, pearl earrings, cocktail ring, and cobalt blue and black concealed platform stilettos.

*Wondering where to get started? Try some of my "Romanconomics" posts for ideas and hilarity!

General Romanconomics (the economics of romance):
Romanconomics 
Romanconomics: I Wanna Be Yo Mamma
Romanconomics: Pick-Up Lines
Romanconomics: In Line For Love (Sort of)


Three-Part Romanconomics Miniseries:
1. Romanconomics: How Many Fish in the Sea? 
2. Romanconomics: Structural Singleness
3. Romanconomics: Red Flags in a Bull Market

My Personal Love Affair:
Romanconomics: It's Tebow Time!
Romanconomics: Tebow on the Hill